Sunday, February 13, 2011

Pre Marriage Counseling - Does Marriage Counseling Work?

If you and your partner are going through a hard moment in your relationship, you may be considering relationship therapy.  But you also may be reluctant to pursue it if you are asking yourself , will marriage counseling deliver the results?  Nicely, right now there is no conclusive solution to that as the success of any type of counselling always depends on many various factors.  Many partners do find it to be very beneficial to their romantic relationship.  Other people feel it was ineffective or helped very little.  This article examines some of the factors that are necessary to answer “yes” to the question, “Does marriage counseling work?”.

You both are committed to working on the relationship

An important aspect for just about any kind of therapy or counselling to work is that the person getting it must be dedicated to the process and to enhancing the scenario.  For partners, if only one of you is dedicated to working through your partnership problems while the other is resistant, the solution to the question, “will marriage counseling deliver the results?” is more than likely gonna be“no”.   


Counseling is a collaborative process between the client and the therapist.  The greatest marriage counselor on the planet is going to have limited success with someone who has no desire to truly work on the relationship.  It has to be a two way street. Sometimes resistance to the therapy process can be overcome, particularly with an exceptionally experienced and skilled therapist, but it will be very difficult. 

You have a counselor with whom you both feel comfortable

Another key factor with regards to the question, “does marriage counseling work?” is whether or not you have a counselor with whom you both feel comfortable.  No therapist is a good fit for everyone.  If this is the case, you and your spouse would be better off to find a different therapist to work with.  Too much is at stake to try to force a therapeutic relationship that doesn’t feel right for both of you. 

You are both willing to do the work

Talking in and of itself will only go so far in terms of bringing about the desired changes in your relationship.  While it can be helpful to have a safe place to discuss your feelings and concerns, there needs to be more.  Many therapists will give you exercises or homework to do between sessions.  These exercises help to reinforce what you are learning in therapy and give you an opportunity to practice new skills which you can discuss each week. The more you and your spouse participate and do the work, the more likely the answer to your question, “does marriage counseling work?” will be yes. 

Sticking with it and tolerating the pain

Two other very crucial elements in terms of the question, “does marriage counseling work” are:

•    You stick with it
•    You are willing to tolerate things getting worse before they get better

A lot of people drop out of counseling at some point.  They get discouraged or don’t like the process and assume the answer to, “does marriage counseling work?” is “no”. 

One of the primary factors people give up happens because things frequently get even worse before they improve.  A good counselor will get you prepared for this upfront.  Marriage counseling is going to open up some wounds and address some painful issues.  In the beginning, that can seem to create much more pain.  But it is akin to the requirement of cleaning out an infected wound so it can finally heal.  The cleaning process is painful, but it must happen or the wound will be there forever.   


If all these factors is existing for you and your spouse, then the solution to the problem, “will marriage counseling work?”, is very often a unquestionable yes.  It is not going to be easy, and it may be a lengthy process.  But if you really would like your marriage to be strong and healthy, the benefits are definitely more than worth it!

27 comments:

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